Do Not Read
by Wookermuffin
Summary: Do not read
1. Do Not Read

Do Not Read

Chapter 1:

Do Not Read

**Warning: **this story features mind control and polka-dotted bellied cats.

"Dum dee dum dum dum," came a voice from behind a shower curtain. Wookermuffin (the author of the story in case you didn't know) pulls open the shower curtain (don't worry for some reason she's wearing a bathing suit) and peers out. She looks shocked to see that you have interrupted her lovely shower.

"Doesn't anyone read the titles anymore," she sighs and steps out, "It clearly says Do Not Read, I thought it was pretty clear." A towel appears in her hand and she dries her self off, when she is finished she is suddenly wearing jeans and a t-shirt. Looking up she sees you just standing there looking like an idiot. "What are you still doing here," she says the annoyance showing in her voice. Wookermuffin starts to head towards the door that just appeared you follow wondering what she's doing. Noticing that your following her she spins around.

"WHY ON EARTH AREN'T YOU LEAVING," she screams making you jump. Suddenly you feel compelled to say something, for those of you who would want to say this, you just blurt it out, but those who don't the tension builds and builds and builds until you can't take it anymore and you feel like you're going to burst and you blurt out.

"I'm not leaving until you give me a story."

"Fine I'll give you a story," Wookermuffin opens the door in front of her and gestures for you to come in. In the room there is a couch and a kitty laying on the couch her stomach facing out showing a fuzzy white polka dotted belly. She sits down next to the kitty and points over to a bean bag chair in the corner. "One rule," she says "no touching the kitty". Wookermuffin draws in a breath and starts to speak. "Once upon a time the world was in danger from the evil pixie Opal Koboi, so Artemis fowl and Holly Short defeated her and saved the world. The End." She gets up from her chair and walks over to your slightly shocked face, grinning she screams "NOW GET OUT OF MY ROOM." The world goes black as the author kicks you out of the story.

**A/N Yay this is my favorite part of the story… the authors notes (trumpet sounds in background) that's it, and oh yeah** **Do Not review...just kidding please do review. I know it sulked I tried to warn you about that in the beginning by titling it do not read. . **


	2. Keep Out

Disclaimer: I do not own Artemis fowl, Holly Short or any other characters in the Artemis fowl series.

Warning: this story contains more mind control.

LEP warning: excessive amounts of mind control can cause insanity, disregard this message if you are already insane.

**Chapter 2:**

**Keep Out**

Where on earth are you? Wait, no, not on earth. You're on a cliff, and a moment ago you weren't, and you have this weird feeling of Déjà vu even though you're sure you haven't ever been on this cliff before. That's when it strikes you, you know where you've had this feeling - like you're being watched and your decisions are being made for you – before. It was in that bathroom with the weird girl and cat. Feeling a sudden wave of nausea you back away from the edge of the cliff and somehow manage to bump into someone on the deserted cliff top. You turn around confused to see who it is and come face to face with the pizza guy.

"Hello, are you Muffinwooker?" says the pizza guy holding out two red pizza insulators.

That weird force is back, that one that makes you speak. Most of you are probably smart enough to realize that you can't fight this power and just cave in, but for those who aren't the tension inside of you builds and builds and builds just like before until you blurt out the selected words chosen for you. "No I'm not Muffinwooker."

At that moment a girl appears at your side, the very same girl that has been haunting your dreams lately.

"You're looking for me," she says her voice is higher and cleaner than you remembered it and she hands the guy (whose name is Jack) a twenty dollar bill and takes the pizzas from him. After tucking her receipt into the pocket of her florid dress she looked up, confusion splashed across her face.

"I didn't order any pizza," she says. The world goes black, but you are not kicked out of the story.

You hear evil laughter as the world comes back into focus. The pizza guy is gone, that insane girl who seemed to hate your guts before is sitting at a table holding a little pot of tea.

"Hello anybody there," she says waving a hand in front of your face. "I've only asked like five times, do you want any tea?" Too dazed to speak you nod your head in agreement. Pouring some tea (which is apparently pretend because nothing's coming out) into your small cup you wonder if she has multiple personality disorder because you are pretty sure that this is the same girl who was telling you to scram the other day. Continuing the conversation she speaks again "So I guess you're new to Here since I've never seen you around."

That force is back compelling you to say something and this time no one is stupid enough to try to stop it. "Where is here exactly?"

"Oh we're in my sister's waiting room." She said like that cleared everything up. Before you could ask another question a door appears at the other side and opens.

"Looks like my sister can see us now," Muffinwooker stands up and skips to the door flowers sprouted at her feet as goes. You follow not wanting to be left alone. Entering the other room someone smacks you, and you fall down. Above you is muffinwooker and she is mad.

"WHY ARE YOU HERE AGAIN DIDN'T YOU SEE THE SIGN ON THE DOOR IT SAYS **KEEP OUT!**" she points to the door which does say Keep Out in nice big bold letters. You stand up and realize that the girl who offered you tea is still there and she's a different person than the one who keeps yelling at you. They are identical, that's why you couldn't tell them apart. The nice one speaks up.

"See this is my sister," she say's as she pulls out a watering can and starts to water some flowers that just appeared.

"So… um you two are twins," you say to the mean one since, the nice one doesn't seem to be very smart (she's currently singing the "ABC" song).

"No we're not; she's one of my evil triplet sisters. I'm Wookermuffin, she's Muffinwooker, and our other evil triplet's name is Sally," says Wookermuffin. "Now back to business," she turn toward her sister "I knew that you would fall for the pizza guy trick Muwhaaahaha, I have captured you now." Wookermuffin swiftly makes a pair of handcuffs appear around Muffinwookers hands. She turns to you "ok with that taken care of I can now deal with you, I'll speak slowly since you didn't seem to get it the first time around KEEP OUT." With that the author once again kicks you out of the story and the world goes black for a third time.

**A/N: yay it's time for my favorite part again (sound full scale band) anyway sorry it took so long to update, and just to let you know this story does have a plot (gasps) and it does include Artimis Fowl** **(more gasps) they just haven't come along yet. So review, review, it just might affect how long it takes for the next chapter of this story to appear.** **Oh and thanks to everyone who reviewed it tickled me pink to see that someone read my story.**

**TheWingsOfTheGods**

**XxXmaximuM-RideRXxX **

**Lillythemarshmellowqueen**

**Holly Marie Fowl **

**Bluesparks**

**SparkieAmoret**

**Brightfrost**

**MajorSamanthaCarter**

**rere994**

**Bass 1 2**


	3. Duckies and Jellybeans

Chapter 3

???

Disclaimer: I do not own the two of the characters that were very briefly mentioned here.

Non-warning note: lucky for you this chapter has no mind control.

Duckie sat on the cold concrete floor watching the pointy-eared girl who was sleeping in front of her. She watched as the girl stirred, and was amused when she attempted to get up and failed, landing flat on her face in the small cot that she was lying on. Now that the girl was awake Duckie remembered that she had to report back to her master. Duckie waddled over to the iron bars stationed at the entrance of the cell. She slid through the bars and nodded goodbye to the girl, leaving her to soak in the new environment alone.

The guards didn't even glance as Duckie passed them in the damp hallway lined with grey metal doors; she was on her way to check the other prisoner on the other side of the compound. Reaching the cell Duckie peered in, it was dark and dreary lined with hay with a small cot in one corner. The second prisoner appeared to be asleep lying on the small cot. His raven colored hair was ruffled and contrasted his pale skin. Not that Duckie cared. She saw that he was still asleep and left, heading in the direction of her master's lair.

Carefully Duckie entered her master's lair afraid of what she would do if she was in a bad mood. The room didn't look any better than the halls and cells outside of it. The room was grim and damp; the sound of musky water could be heard dripping from the corners of the roof. A single light bulb dangled from the concrete ceiling casting shadows over the… hundreds of brightly colored packages of jellybeans? Those weren't there last time, Duckie was sure of it. Waddling to the middle of the room Duckie saw her master sitting at the table.

"Quack," Duckie greeted her master.

"Oh, hello Duckie," she picked Duckie up and set him on the table "So has the girl woken up yet?"

"Quack," Duckie replied.

"She woke up much faster than I expected her to." Duckie's master started to stroke Duckie's downy coat. She was dressed in a flowing black and red robe that went down past her black knee-high boots. Her brown hair was black and had red highlights and was cut so it completely covered one of her blood red eyes. She pointed to a small figure sitting in the shadows on a stool.

"This is my new acquaintance," she said smiling at Duckie. With that she raised her arms and started to crackling like a mad hyena. "Muuuhaahaahaahaa, I will get my revenge on you Wookermuffin whether it's the last thing I, Sally ever do."

Then the world goes black because Duckie falls asleep.

**A/N: you know I really love reviews. Really, really, love reviews. Anyway sorry for the long time it took me to update and for the vagueness of this chapter, and for those who liked it in second person, I will be writing the next chapter in second person. Last of all, thanks to all you reviewers. **

**XxXmaximuM-RideRXxX**

**Holly Marie Fowl**

**affan13**

**Coco96**

**Bluesparks**

**Daniella**


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